why the rush?

I totally forgot this blog was in my "cue" from november...

I can't believe it took me 2 years to observe such an obvious contradiction: people are in SUCH a hurry to arrive at a work place that they do not enjoy. The speficic areas that jump out to me are: rushing in traffic, running to a crosswalk to beat the flashing red hand, leaping into the elevator before it closes, and ditching others in line for refreshements. I mean, you'd think they were late for a meeting with the president! ok, or a celebrity. All this honking, swerving, cussing, running, ditching, sweating, cheating, lying...

To get to work? The individuals who really back themselves into a corner and drive this point home are those who meet the criteria above and THEN complain about their job. do they not notice the contradiction in their actions? They should get in the slow lane on the freeway and enjoy a few more minutes of their favorite music filling their car. One time a guy held the elevator door for me while I walked alllllllll they way across the hall just so I wouldn't have to wait for the next one. He noodded in my direction and desperatley commented, "Whew, you just made it." He then proceeded in conversation with his co-worker about how long the day ahead was going to be and how far away the weekend seemed. With caffeine in hand, he exited to his floor, walking as if he were being timed.

Maybe they aren't really in a rush to get to work... maybe they are just impaitient people? I guess that would make more sense.

On a similar note, I recently heard a guy in the elevator mumble to the unfamiliar group, "It's Friday... it doesn't get much better than this! Well, maybe Saturday."

Is Friday really all some people are living for?

the 24/7 work-out

most people equate muscle-soreness with significant activities in which you anticipate the pain to follow. my experience is much different. as I learn of yet another unique trait, I conclude that I must do life aggressively. instead of giving you the full story with each secenario, here are some "every day" things that regularly require pain meds:

sleeping, eating, drying my hair, doing anything to my hair, painting my nails/toes, chewing gum, walking, doing puzzles/board games, writing a paper, riding in a boat, watching work-outs, cleaning, cooking, singing, folding laundry, shopping, and most recently: eating restaurant-sized salads(yes, my arm was so sore, it inhibited my typing).

on the flip side, I can do a full work-out involving cardio and weights, play an intense volleyball game, or fall face down on the pavement, without a hint of soreness or bruising. is someone playing a trick on me?

I give consent

have you ever felt as though you were stuck in a bad scenario? one that might be used in a short video series displayed at a conference? the lengths of these real life scenarios may vary, but if you've had the feeling, you know what I mean. I experienced one this morning that was so scripted, I knew I had become an actress/victim almost immediately... but who said I gave consent? I probably wasn't the best candidate for "them" to sneak up on because I recognized it right away. I didn't discover any hidden cameras, but people all seemed to walking in a choreographed rythem. looking back, I think the title was "learning how to stay focused on the positive while everything else is falling a apart" or "how to trust that the Lord has a plan when things aren't playing out how we expected" or simply "a series if mishaps." I apologize for the length, but here it goes:

before "Scene 1" I woke up early for a change, with plenty of time for my morning routine. it almost felt too good to be true. by the time i was in my car and just about to my bus stop (15 minutes from my home), I decided to check my phone. to my surprise and frustration, the phone had been forgotten. i quickly remembered where i left it, and decided to turn back for it. not realizing that traffic goes both ways, i got home about the time I should arrive at work. from this point on, i was in panic/guilt mode for being so late. I also had to round up quarters at home since i would be driving downtown, and paying for parking. after the worst traffic I had ever seen on the freeway, and being next to a cop, I finally made it to the inner-city 45 minutes later. treating myself to the expensive parking garage for being so late, another strange thing took place: the garage was not allowing daily parking. i mean, what? when does that happen? i was acutally laughing at this point, trying to understand the overall lesson the Lord was trying to teach me. (are we on scene 3, 4? I lost count!) by the time i reached the gravel parking lot several blocks away, i realized that i had taken every item out of my backpack since I was planning to walk in from the garage... shoot! after re-packing, paying, and walking very briskly, I made it to the crosswalk just in time for the flashing red hand, of course. yes Lord, I know how to be patient! some unfortunate co-worker of mine was walking near me and asked how i was doing... yes, he got a breif re-cap of my long cummute in... but at least I laughed while sharing! it had been 2 hours since I woke up at this point. think of all I could have accomplished? but the Lord numbers my steps and has by best interest at heart. i finally felt the "production" had ended as i transitioned into a pretty normal day (besides learning of a whole in my pants). i began jotting down thoughts and appreciating my sense of humor and positive outlook on the scene in which I had the starring role. I've always wanted to be in actress in a short video... but wait, a show is never complete without an encore! on my way to a meeting, my elevator stopped on the 4th floor, and the elevators began opening and closing repeatedly... not taking us any further. i got out of the elevator with the assurance that I would get stuck in it as the final straw. I'm sad to say that the scene/act/play/story ends there... as the point had definitely been made, thank you to the Director! I wish the crew had at least told me the title, but they probably ran off since they had no consent.

I still don't know what God's exact reason was for all of this, but consequently, I learned a quality life lesson from my little debut: The Lord has chosen me, not just for today, but forever.

I just need a green pepper

I wanted to write something insightful today... but one thing just keeps pushing its way to the front of my mind, leaving all thought-provoking analogies in the dust. this may even wind up being my most vulerable of posts.

friends and family, I think I have an unhealthy love for the grocery store shopping cart. and I don't mean the big shopping cart that you might intially picture, no, the small cart with two levels. It's just the right size for my weekly shopping load... it turns corners without ever hitting another shopper, cart or corner display. I'm lucky that a Kroger employee has yet to see me smile when I enter the store and see a fresh bi-level cart awaiting. maybe that little cart has become like a friend to me? and you didn't think I had attachment problems before? Looking back, I remember the "Super Duper" having these carts when I was a kid... and my sister and I preferred the store for that very reason. these days, I thought the mini-carts were long gone... until our Kroger decided to renovate! anyway, I'm trying to blame my joy for the grocery store on the cart, when I actually enjoy the whole outing more than anyone I know... the cute cart is only an added bonus.

I learned early on in life that I was a list-maker, and I appreciated the sense of accomplishment when checking things off. this must be why grocery shopping feels so productive. if I didn't have a list, I probably would not plan my evening around the trip (yes, missing TV shows and social outings). I'm not gonna lie, I have actually made up reasons to "swing by" the store, or found a recipe with something in it that required a store run. A ripe banana, Tony's cheerios, or our favorite salsa have all added to the equation. I also take pride in how quick and efficient my store trips can be. with my list written in order of the store... I pull in the driveway just 29 minutes after I have left, supporting my statement of "I'll be back in a half hour" to Tony as I pulled away. One added bonus is my sweet husband who jumps up to help with the grocery carrying at the sound of the garage door.

In all seriousness, I think I am blessed by my joy found in grocery shopping. maybe it's some form of therapy; having the time to myself, unwinding from the day, finding a good sale, checking off my list, and stocking the kitchen in a orderly fashion. when looking down the road, I am determined to never let this task be tied to complaint since I will hopefully be nurturing a husband and family for many many years to come :) back to the cart, if your store doesn't have this option... you should consider finding a new one as it just might change your whole experience.

prove me wong - please

You know, for a long time, I didn't think I had any pet peeves that were truly significant. however, early in my professional career, I discovered a bothersome act committed by SO many around me: someone sets up a meeting or celebration for a certain reason (ie. birthday, new job, new team, baby, wedding, leaving team, joining team) and then the very reason for the gathering is never addressed!! It's as if the beginning is there (the invite, the people, the decorations) and the ending is there (the goodbye, the card, the cake, etc.) but what happened to the middle (the meat, the main course, the body)?! no, the pretty cupcakes do not take the place of words.

I'm negatively reminded of the 'intern' lunch that "those people" in Athens threw for me as I was one of only two interns that quarter... not only did they forget to invite me to it, but they gave me some random assignement that caused me to arrive just as they were throwing away their party plates that held evidence of the food I was supposed to be sharing with them. one of them commented "oh hey jennifer, i think there's still some food left." i immediately turned to go get food to stop the embarassment from going any further. i sat down on the pavement to eat the sun-warmed, bee-infested, pot-luck food, and realized this whole thing was getting worse by the second. the girls actually stood there and faked small talk with me because they knew it was too akward to leave me there sitting alone (since the whole lunch was "for me" anyway!). I don't remember much more from the storybesides this last highlight (or lowlight): one girl handed me a gift bag and commented that I did a good job interning and that I would be missed. how can this be true when this was really the first time they had spoken to me? the gift included a generic card with signed names - not one personal message. the picture frame they picked out had to have been a joke because it read "friends" across the top! this must have been what started my hatred towards events that neglect addressing the very reson they were taking place! if you don't believe me about this random day of mine towards the end of my college career - just ask Brooke - she was the luckiest to hear it first.

About a year ago, I went to a "get to know" you lunch at work where 4 women talked about the weather, the menu, and what TV shows they watched the night before. we never even touched a subject that would remotely help us get to know each other. in my opinion, the lunch was a total waste of time.

I could go on for days with examples, but I think by now, my point has clearly been expressed. After several additional occasions that ended in similar disappointment, I found myself longing for someone to prove me wrong. Will anyone ever talk about what the past year has meant to them at a birthday gathering? Do people ever share favorite memories about a co-worker who is leaving? This is like creating a template and never inputing the data. Or like wearing multiple accessories with no outfit. Would you warm up for an exercise, then cool down, without the workout in between? It could even be compared to compliling a title, index, and appendix to a book, with no story in between. The only scenario that I might possibly side with is going to the Melting Pot to order the 'appetizer' round and 'dessert' round, skipping the meat in between.

Just the other day, I had the privilege to go to a "going away" lunch. I went in convinced that the topic would never be touched. To my surprise, a gift was given, a card was personally written in, a gift card actually matched the persons interest and the guest of honor was asked to give a small going away speech. After blinking extra hard and pinching my arm, I learned that I was not dreaming. I had finally been proven wrong, and it was quite refreshing.

I'm back...

I think reason that I haven't blogged in so long is because I don't know which thought to expand on. at the end of the day, I just have too many that I am too overwhelmed to settle on one. a revelation occured to me today: I can jot down a few different subjects in one day... or even in one blog! sometimes the answer is just right in front of us, isn't it?

thots from today...

- "It's all in the spelling." I usually hate when people spell things the wrong way on purpose, but the spelling "thought" as "thot" is just too cute. I think the reason I am so fond of it is because it looks like the word "tot" which of course links to "tater tot." at this point I am reminded of loving tater tots as a kid... its all happy memories which mostly include mom, dad and jess as well. I don't think I have met anyone who doesn't like tater tots. the question is: why do we have to give them up as adults? you just don't see them as a part of "grown up" meals. on the contrary, there are also grown executives (a few of which I happen to know) that go to a certain restaurant downtown simply because you can have tater tots as a side with any meal. I don't know what I love most: that restaurant or the executives who aren't afraid to get tots!

- "Just stop, and ask yourself one question." I am reading a book about marriage and came across a line of thought that jumped right off the page and into my heart. I will probably regret admitting this, but I have learned that I am someone who "likes" to fight, argue, disagree, be right, etc. so, who usually starts these tiffs over tiny matters? guilty again. my husband is a blesssing for so many reasons, but mostly because he still loves me, dispite the previous confession. while many arguments are very productive, more of them are flat out unnecessary. back to the book I referenced: I came across a question that I pray will forever change my outlook on fighting, with anyone, but mostly with Tony: "If I knew I was going to heaven tomorrow, would I still argue about this today?" need I comment more?

- "Co-workers, you just never know." Just minutes before leaving work today, one co-worker commented to another about "multi-tasking" in the car on the way home. someone else piped in that they are guilty of the same thing. I chimed in (trying to be friendly and make small talk from over the cube wall) that I am proud of my multi-tasking skills in the car, but should probably be more careful on the road. I even added the cube chat chuckle at the end. the one co-worker quickly shot this back at me: "did you know that multi-tasking doesn't really exist? the brain can only do one thing at a time." I was taken back a few notches and I decided to agree right away. I am usually a slow internal processor, but I responded with, "well, I do various things at once, switching back and forth between them very quickly." This made me think, hm, I guess I need to update my resume with: "...good at doing many things at once, switching back and forth, while still watching for detail and performing a high quality of work." uhhh, I don't think they'd read that far down... or hire me. let's just stick with "exceptional multi-tasker" and leave the definition as what we have just discussed (unspoken of course). Well, that was a nice exercise for my brain, but I think I'm back to square one.

- "Productivity is relative." In response to Tony's blog, I happen to believe that blogging is indeed productive.

"the lake"

what comes to my mind when I think about Indian Lake...

greenish water, fishermen, locals, bugs, quaint shops, old restaurants, unique homes, islands, donut shop, mcdonalds, pew island, tecumseh island, spill over, rollerena, candy store, campground, garage sales, neighbors, gravel roads...

the house: my family, soft carpet, old towels, the peaceful sun room, the fans, timeless decorations, old plates and bowls, the smells of: eggs and bacon, coffee, sunscreen, fish, gas from the boat, an old deck of cards, popcorn, the sounds of: boats, kids, laughing, playing, dogs barking, lawnmowers, cookouts...

rollerblading, bike riding, skating, walking, reading, boating, swimming, all four seasons, laughing, family meals & games, birthday celebrations, friends, tripoley, yahtzee, jason, memaw and pawpaw...

the memories of these places, people, events, and activities are forever sketched on my heart, and are what truly define "Indian Lake" to me...

all days are created equal

i took this picture at a wedding over the weekend and though it was a beautiful illustration for my thoughts...

well, i have alot of random topics in my head so i will just pick one... to sum it up: rain and mondays.

i never realized how much the weather affected people until i became an adult and entered the work force. in conjunction with weather, certain days of the week have far too much influence to a persons mood or attitude. i see people heads hung low on "gloomy" days and "mondays," as if you aren't even allowed to come in smiling if it's the beginning of the week. if it's raining, i can just write their attitudes off as terrible right from the start. i have actually heard these exact quotes on my elevator rides, "Well, I'm doing ok considering the crappy weather and it's 4 whole days until the weekend." "I wouldn't make it through a monday without my coffee... there's just no way." "Friday's are the best... we should be able to leave early just because it's Friday." "The weekends just aren't long enough."

the list could go on and on, but in conclusion, i see many people "living for the weekends and sunny days." how sad is that? i think it would be such a waste of time to live all those days in between unhappy and complaining. don't they realize that we need mondays and tuesdays to make thursdays and fridays what they are? we need the weeks to even make a "weekend" exist. we need the rain to make our grass green, our flowers grow, and lakes remain full of water... to keep the earth from burning up. shoot, we should be rejoicing for these things!! a monday, like a friday, is another day that God has given us full of breath and life. to live for Him and to bring glory to His name. i found myself starting to 'follow the pack' a while back, but this whole concept revealed itself to me. i decided that i would always have a positive attitude on mondays and gloomy days to bring a ray of light to the days of negativity. i realize i have to fake my attitude sometimes, but people honestly don't know how to respond when i take that approach. it really throws them off, and hopefully makes them think.

if anyone reads this, i challenge you to think about this new perspective. make a committment to go against the grain and take the path less traveled. make monday your favorite day because of all the blessings and opportunities the week ahead may bring. because the Lord has made it and has given you life. and what happened to being thankful simply for having a job? or having freedom? praise Him for the rain and even let your hair or pants get wet. comment on how soothing the rain sounds or beautiful the clouds appear. it's just a thought, just another way we can allow God to use us, bless us, and hopefully bless others around us. He has made all things good and His will is perfect. who are we to choose which days or what weather is "better?" every day is a day that the Lord has made... let us rejoice and be glad in it!

people always ask me if i was devastated by the rain and snow on my wedding day and i tell them, "it's quite the opppsite, I wouldn't have had it any other way..."

reasons for seasons

change is an interesting concept and quite a catch 22...

we long for change yet we fear it. we love to see new things, yet fear losing the past. we like to be comfortable and stable, yet desire a totally different routine/environment. the spontaneous long to be scheduled, while the structured long for spontaneity. we grieve saying goodbye to friends, but welcome new ones. we encourage one another to move away, but desire to buy a home and stay in one place... we want to go somewhere new for vacation, but love the memories and warmth of the place we often go. we always seem to want the next job, but like the comfort of the one we have... change can completely restore us, while stability can bring fulfillment as well...

I personally get so attached to people, situations, feelings, etc. that I have a difficult time with change and transition. on the other hand, I seem to be a pretty well-adjusted person which means I find myself doing well once the change has happened and I'm acquanted once again to the new circumstance. I have come to learn that I have seperation anxiety and deal with it every single day. anxiety and unsettledness fill my heart at the end of each day, simply because I am attached to the day! it's just so hard to let go of it. do I really have to start all over again tomorrow? I am fine with this day... why can't this day just continue? in the mornings, I feel joyful because I have adjusted to a new day. maybe it's when I feel the most in control? or maybe its the point in the day where I am the least attached so I actually have the most freedom? ...each Friday at work, I have a bit of sadness that the week is over, not meaning I wish I could work more hours, just a refelection of "did I do the week well? is that it?" I fear the free time of the weekend because I am used to the full schedule of the week. each Sunday night, I panic, as you might guess... do I have to let go of the weekend already? but I like my freedom, staying up late, and visiting with friends and family... what will Monday bring? I forget what it feels like at work every day? I know that co-workers come and go... but when they go, I feel sad and think things just won't ever be the same again. why do I feel like no one else experiences this? maybe this is why I love to send cards to people or email them after we have just spent time together. making sure I get enough closure seems to help me close this gap. I must learn that people come in and out of our lives for different lengths of seasons and for different reasons. we must make the most of every opportunity because we don't know what the next day brings... if I spend too much time grieving what has passed, I may miss the next lesson that God has for me.

so those are just some of my thoughts around the complexity of change. It's my biggest enemy and my deepest desire... it causes me to weep and feel my lowest, and laugh so hard as my joy bubbles over. how can one concept hold such extremes?

blogging brings new insight

after reading my husbands intriguing posts, it has been confirmed that writing seems to express thoughts on a much different level than when we speak them. his perspectives have given me a glimpse into his mind and heart that I wouldn't necessarily see or hear in a passing conversation. I have decided to give it a try in hopes for the same connection from him. also, as an avenue for my analogies that I personally think could be published :) daily, the Lord teaches me too many exciting things to waste them by letting them be forgotten...